I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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