just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Farmville is her only friend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize