You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize