Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My liver just broke up with me...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
