Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
