I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
