Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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