Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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