I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
