she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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