3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
