Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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