Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
