The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
