i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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