I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize