so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just threw up on my dentist
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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