I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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