that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
