she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
