Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have feelings that need drinking.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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