hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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