The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
