when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
