Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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