omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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