Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
