I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
