Me too!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
