his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
