I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you have to choose: penises or morals?
In America we eat man semen.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
