I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
