that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
