I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
