i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
