Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
