New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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