apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
