So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
