I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
