RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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