I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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