I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
