I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
