my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
