Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
