My nipple is on Facebook.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ketchup is God's man juice
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
