Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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