and you said cock pushups were impossible
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
