I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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