i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
