Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
