I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
