Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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