bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
