trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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