He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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