You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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