Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize