okay pat passed out under dana's car
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize