That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
