im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
