I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
