I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
