could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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