Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
