you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
