he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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