Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
