I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
