Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
