i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize