no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
