can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize