I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
